Hazards of Labelling
Our words can have a potent effect on how kids engage in sport
The words we use when speaking about a fledgling sporting career can profoundly affect how a young person views themselves and their participation in sport. From an early age kids are highly attuned to what elicits favourable attention from the grown-ups and as they get older they similary become alert to what earns them the respect and admiration of their peers. The accolades they receive and how they are described by others can have a powerful effect on how a young performer relates to their involvement in sport. As parents and coaches it is important that we are aware of this and choose our words carefully when we speak about a young performer.
Proud parents and family members are naturally inclined to talk up the sporting exploits of their offspring - indeed, coaches at junior level are also not immune from this tendency. Expressing pride is certainly no bad thing but there are perils that we want to avoid. In particular we do not want to reduce sport to simply a means to get attention.
It is not necessarily what we communicate directly to a young performer - more often this occurs when speaking about them with others, perhaps when we are not even aware they are listening (it is safe to assume they are likely paying attention). When their exploits earn a mention from the grown-ups this also heightens a young person’s awareness that others are watching when they participate in sport. The realisation that what happens in the sporting arena might affect people’s opinion of them colours the whole experience.
As social animals we are naturally sensitive to the judgement of others and young people in particular crave the approval and esteem of peers and elders alike. How we describe a young performer in relation to their sporting endeavours will of course signal how they are viewed by others. A young person’s perception of how others view them will naturally affect how they think of themselves. This has added weight when it comes from a grown up, especially one whose opinion matters, such as a coach or a parent.
There is similarly an element of social learning with regards to what is modelled within a given environment and what beliefs and behaviours kids exhibit as a result. What coaches, parents and others express directly and indirectly will influence how a young performer thinks about their participation, whether positive or negative. Likewise, the attitudes that are communicated with our words and actions will shape how and where they assign value and what goals and outcomes they are oriented towards.
The manner in which their gifts are acknowledged by others and what effect this has on how they are treated by both grown ups and their peers has a profound influence on a young performer’s perceptions and behaviour. I have written before about the problems that can arise when kids are marked out as talented at an early stage in their development. When kids enjoy success and the admiration of others without necessarily having to work very hard for it this it can lead to complacency and it certainly does not help to develop the work ethic or humility they will need to be successful over the long term. Conversely, for many kids the mantle of ‘talented athlete’ brings expectations that weigh heavily and add perceived external pressures that are stifling. Late childhood and early adolescence are especially impressionable periods in the life of a young person, so it is unfortunate that many young performers are identified and enlisted into talented athlete pathways around this time.
Once sport becomes a way to get attention, gain recognition and earn the esteem of others this will inevitably affect a young person’s motivation. How they approach practice and competition will naturally become more oriented towards extrinsic concerns and external validation. In other words, the endeavour becomes more about trying to look good in the eyes of others. Social media has become a supercharged source of external validation and a young person’s involvement in sport is an obvious way to earn the approval of the faceless hordes online. Young athletes are increasingly concerned with image and gaining ‘likes’ and the performative nature of social media is encroaching practice and competition.
The notion that what happens in the competitive arena reflects on them as an individual is generally unhelpful. This raises the stakes in ways that are not conducive to the the mission, whether that happens to be striving to reach the highest level or simply enjoying taking part. If each time they perform they are conscious of how this might affect their standing in the eyes of others then any contest starts to appear more threat than challenge or opportunity.
As soon as their participation in sport confers status they have something to protect. Inevitably this will tend to make kids more conservative in their approach. So long as reputation and prestige are major concerns, kids will be averse to taking risks. If the primary concerns are not looking bad or embarassing themselves then this shifts the onus towards playing safe and avoiding making mistakes. All of which is at odds with what they should be striving for in order to develop and become better over the long term.
Getting better requires acknowledging and voluntarily choosing to work on areas of weakness. By definition this requires a readiness to put oneself in situations where there is a relatively high probability of failure. Whilst they might be comfortable doing so away from prying eyes, really putting it into practice means testing skills under live conditions in competition, which carries attendant possibility they might look foolish. This means viewing practices and competition alike as a stepping stone on the ultimate quest and an opportunity to challenge themselves and learn something rather than a stage to impress and be judged by onlookers.
Our goals are only as elastic as our sense of self
- David Goggins
We also need to be careful that our words do not serve to limit their horizons. To give an example, it is not uncommon to describe a young person in relation to others - ‘he’s the best player on the team’ - and this ranking becomes their frame of reference and the standard to satisfy. Labelling them as the best player on the team, the star athlete in the school or even the top ranked athlete in the province can place arbitrary constraints on a young performer’s aspirations. They might be a big fish (or an early maturing fish) in a small pond but nevertheless come to enjoy this status and so seek to preserve it. This can lead to an aversion to switching to a better team or stepping up to compete at a higher level - the prospect of being exposed to a situation where they may not be the best performer on show no longer seems appealing.
When sport becomes primary source of recognition and how they define themselves this can also narrow the perceieved scope of possibilities for where they might excel. Individuals who become attached to their athlete persona often become blind to what they might achieve in other areas of their life. This is particularly the case with boys - a too common scenario with those involved in the academy pipeline in professional sports is that they entirely neglect their studies. This proves to be costly for the majority who ultimately fail to make the cut to the senior professional ranks.
Clearly we must maintain a clear separation between what happens in the sporting domain and other aspects of their life. Being successful or otherwise in sport should not affect how they are treated at home or the expectations at school. We should likewise seek to separate a young person’s participation in sport from ego-related concerns as far as possible.
As the grown-ups we can help young performers to be clear on their purpose for being there and focussed on the task at hand rather than concerned with what others might think. For those with aspirations of going further, the mission should be pushing their limits and setting their own standard rather than merely satisfying the normative standards set by those around them. Those who are more focussed on enjoyment and deriving the benefits beyond sport should similarly resist the urge to compare themselves to others. In both cases, cultivating an attitude of ‘those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter’ can help young performers to be uninhibited and unabashed when they participate.
In the long run the best approach is not to be unduly influenced by what others might think of them. Whilst the ultimate aim should be to become more self possessed and less in need of external validation from others, this would call for a level of self assurance that is uncommon among kids. This is especially the case during the early teenage years when they are most sensitive to social evaluation and striving to establish their identity. All the same, those who aspire to perform at the highest level certainly need to learn to be selective when it comes to whose opinion matters and how much weight they give to praise or criticism from anybody who is not in their inner circle.
Of course, the judgement and esteem of parents, coaches and others who they look up to will always matter. If we can be more intentional we can use this power for good. Part of the job of the grown-ups is to bring much-needed perspective and keep the focus on long-term horizons rather than short-term concerns. To that end we can keep young performers oriented towards challenging themselves to improve and pursuing mastery. We can do this by giving the greatest acknowledgement to positive traits and reinforcing behaviours that are conducive to long term success.
When referring to a young person’s sporting endeavours it helps to keep labels as general as possible. Rather than limiting their horizons to a specific sport or a specialised position or event within a given sport, we might simply describe them as a good athlete or sportsman. Well-chosen praise and plaudits can help to instill values and teach kids what virtues to aspire to. Examples would include hardest working athlete in the squad, most valued team-mate, most diligent at practice. Essentially, we want to describe the ideal that they should aspire to - for instance, the person who gives their best, challenges themselves and sets the standard for conduct and fair play.