Learning to Take the Wins
Helping kids to take encouragement and find satisfaction to fuel the journey
A troublesome feature of constantly striving to become better is that you are never fully satisfied. All the same, it is critical to take the wins along the way if you want to stay the course. The road is long and the outcome is uncertain, so kids need to find the experience gratifying, especially if they are to persist over the years it takes to attain success at senior level. It is vital that we help kids to make the most of the small wins that provide positive reinforcement and impetus to keep on going as they proceed on the journey.
Young athletes who aspire to reach the highest level are driven. This drive to excel is an asset and it underpins the dedication that enables them to consistently put in work. As well as working hard, these individuals typically have high personal standards, which leads them to be diligent in their efforts and the result is higher quality training and continued progress. That said, along with high standards comes the tendency to be self-critical, which is part asset, part liability. Notably, these individuals tend to be hard on themselves, which can create its own problems.
It is quite telling when a young performer’s immediate retort to any positive feedback is ‘yes, but I didn’t do x or y’. It is true that no matter what has been achieved, we can always find room to improve. In reality there is no such thing as a flawless performance; there will always be something that the performer could have done better. However, if the young performer does not permit any recognition of what they are doing well then it can seem like a thankless task and becomes quite a dour experience.
It is a shame to see high-profile star performers who do not seem to be enjoying themselves despite all their success. It is quite striking how some of the most accomplished people can take such a negative view, to the extent that they are slow to acknowledge all they have accomplished and tend to overlook or downplay their own virtues. The response when they win high stakes competition seems to express relief rather than joy. This is the unfortunate outcome when high personal standards and the tendency to be self-critical rebound on the individual in ways that are not helpful and can prove harmful.
Naturally, we want young performers to strive to do their best. However, we also want them to be able to sustain and ultimately enjoy the journey. It is possible to be relentless in the pursuit without constantly beating themselves up. It does not have to be joyless. If the performer is left feeling that nothing they do is ever enough then clearly this is not conducive to remaining motivated and staying in the fight.
From a talent development perspective it is important that the practice and training environment are conducive to developing and improving over the long term. The coach has an important duty in this regard, given their stewardship over the training ground or practice facility, which includes managing social dynamics within the squad and making sure the interactions between athletes are generally positive. We should however extend this to the environment between the athlete’s ears. The young performer is the steward of this domain as well as being responsible for how they interact with themselves.
As they act on their own behalf, the individual is highly invested in the outcome, so they should wish only the best for themselves! The young athlete should treat themselves as they would a valued team-mate that they couldn’t do without, not least because it is true. As such, they should value and respect themselves - and part of this is recognising and celebrating all they do that is good. In turn, when they admonish themselves this should be done in the same spirit and with the firmly held belief that they can do better.
Telling highly motivated kids to not be so hard on themselves is unlikely to have much impact on its own, given their inclination to high personal standards. Equally if the young performer is to act as their own judge, it is crucial that they are fair and even-handed in assigning credit as well as finding fault. As such, it is less about giving themselves a break, but more so insisting that they must also give themselves recognition.
Humility is a virtue and a prerequisite to becoming better. Equally, it is entirely possible to uphold high standards and to be self-critical and yet still acknowledge all the good things they do. If they are going to be their own biggest critic they should also be their most ardent supporter. It is fine to give themselves kick up the backside when required but they should be just as quick to give themselves a high-five when they do well.
It is the young athlete who determines their own aspirations, so they define the standard that they hold themselves to, as opposed to some imagined external standard. Ultimately their only obligation is to themselves. Rather than seeking approval, recognition or affirmation from external sources, the individual is best placed to make such judgements on their own behalf and grant these rewards to themselves.
Only the individual is aware of their own internal battles to summon the will to get out of bed to train, tear themselves away from a screen or leave their friends to go to practice. Every time they win the battle and get themselves to practice or attend training constitutes a win. Even more so when they managed to invest themselves in doing quality work once they are there. On each occasion they are doing something in service and to the benefit of their future selves. It is only fair that their present self should take some credit and give themselves a well-deserved pat on the back from time to time for a job well done.
They should also be a sympathetic judge. When rendering judgement on themselves, we might suggest they use a more positive framing, such as ‘not there yet’. If they can instill this mindset, every practice and training session presents an opportunity to take another step forward. It also makes it more likely that they will adopt a problem-solving response when things are not going as hoped. In this scenario, challenges and setbacks become cause to redouble efforts and seek solutions, rather than a damning indictment and a reason to feel disheartened.
Athletes who enjoy long and successful careers come to appreciate practice and training for their own sake and find a sense of purpose in the process. Understanding this, we should help young performers to cultivate this mindset from an early stage. The processes of developing physical capacities and capabilities and acquiring and honing technical and tactical skills span years or even decades. Deriving satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment in the pursuit is vital to maintain their enthusiasm.
The talent development literature emphasises that a crucial attribute for aspiring young performers is dealing with delayed gratification. Both practice and training exemplify processes where you must invest effort in the present to gain benefit in the future, such that the rewards are deferred. Sometimes extra effort and attention is required to perceive the benefits being accrued and realise these rewards. Physical preparation is one area where gains are hard to discern in real-time, to the point that the changes from day to day or week to week may be imperceptible. Fitness has a quality where it creeps up on us. This is the positive variation of the boiled frog analogy. The rewards for the effort invested are not readily apparent at the time. It is common that performers only realise later what great shape they were in as they look back in the rear view mirror.
Dealing with delayed gratification is challenging enough but it becomes all the more so in the absence of a clear sense of the improvements being achieved. If we are not mindful, we may end up in a situation where they are not experiencing any sense of gratification at all despite their efforts. Arguably the biggest value of regular monitoring and periodic performance assessment is that it provides a tangible sense of progress in the form of objective evidence affirming that capacities and capabilities are increasing. It is likewise a valuable exercise to periodically take stock of the work that has been invested and reflect on the improvements that have been achieved.