Unapologetically Upholding Standards
Helping kids to thrive by creating an environment they want to be part of
One of the most consequential aspects of the role of the coach is their stewardship of the practice environment. Coaches are increasingly being made to feel unsure of themselves in this regard, especially when it comes to upholding standards of conduct. I recently learned that trainee coaches are being dissuaded from employing any words or actions that could be construed as punishment. The old school, authoritarian style of coaching has very much fallen out of favour, but we have run so far in the other direction that we have simply created a different set of problems. Adopting a hands-off, anything goes approach when working with kids simply gets it wrong in different ways.
Parents have a need to know that other kids (and indeed their own kid) will be called on it when they step out of line during practices or behave in a way that adversely affects the others participating. For their part, the kids themselves respond best when there are well-defined and consistently applied rules of engagement.
There is a misapprehension that kids do not want to be subjected to any rules or restrictions on their behaviour. This is not actually the case. It is anxiety-provoking when they do not know where the boundaries are. Often when kids act out, it is a reaction to a lack of clarity in what is expected of them or a lack of consistency in what rules are enforced. Ultimately kids need to know that there is a grown up in charge who will take action when things get out hand.
The approach I am advocating is not in itself at odds with being inclusive. It is not necessarily about excluding anybody. However, entry to supervised group practices should rightly be subject to certain terms and conditions. Community sports clubs and youth sports organisations are often so eager to attract members that they are reticent to be seen to impose any such conditions. Ironically the biggest error we make is not asking enough of kids. Asking nothing of them in order be part of the group automatically makes it something that does not seem worth being part of.
Just as the unthinking insistence on being unconditionally inclusive misses the mark, it is worth pointing out that being permissive is not a virtue. This is especially the case when you are the person that is meant to be in charge. Indeed, when the welfare of the other kids participating is at stake then it verges on negligence. The coach has a duty of care to everybody participating - including the one who is misbehaving - to provide oversight as well as guidance and intervene as necessary to ensure that it remains a conducive environment.
The right approach for the coach leading a supervised practice environment is to be authoritative, as opposed to authoritarian. This can be handled with a light touch. An authoritative coach rarely has to raise their voice when things are set up properly. As long as everybody attending is clear what the expectations are and they have had the opportunity to opt in, then kids will be accepting on the occasions that it is pointed out to them that they have failed to meet their obligations. In the best environments the athletes take the lead in collectively upholding standards amongst themselves.
When kids join the group they should be asked to make the minimum commitment to turn up to each session on time and ready to engage. Everybody participating has a role in contributing to a positive group environment, so it is important to ensure that each kid recognises their responsibilities to the group. Part of this responsibility is to moderate their behaviour when they step into the environment and conduct themselves in way that respects the other participants. Any behaviour that negatively impacts the experience for the other kids participating is necessarily disqualifying. Accordingly, the terms and conditions should include a policy for when kids are misbehaving or are simply not engaged to avoid disrupting the other kids. A time out or sin bin can be a useful mechanism for those kids who are just having an off day.
Parents also have an obligation in this regard. Just as for the kids participating, it should be acknowledged and accepted that once they step into the coach’s house, the coach’s rules apply. Part of deferring to the coach’s authority within the practice environment is respecting their judgement and supporting their efforts to create a culture that gets the best out of everybody.
What is striking is that the back story of many successful individuals often features an authority figure who instilled the values of discipline and personal responsibility. This is one of the greatest gifts that a coach or teacher can impart, even if it may not always be appreciated or welcomed at the time!